NEXT ON NCIS
17x01 - Out of the Darkness - Ziva surprises Gibbs with a cryptic warning, prompting him to question why she remained underground for years while being presumed dead by family and friends, and what led to her return, on the 17th season premiere of NCIS
Tuesday September 24th, (8:00-9:00 PM, ET/PT)

3.2 Kill Ari: Part 2:

Ziva: You are a broken TAPE, Gibbs.
Tony: Record. A broken record.

3.4 Silver War:

Ziva (to Tony): Are you going undercover as a homo?
Tony: Hobo, the term is hobo.
Ziva: “You might want to do something about your hair… it’s sticking up like a PORCUSWINE… oh, wrong words… a PORCU… PIG?” “The little animal with the little spiky tips!?”
McGee: “Porcupine?”
Ziva: “Porcupine! Thank you, Special Agent McGee.”

Ziva: “It appears he didn’t know… I feel like a DONKEY’S “BUTT”
McGee: “Donkey’s butt?”
Tony: “I think she meant Horse’s A$$, McGee.

3.5 Switch:

Tony: I don’t know. Look at the guy. He’s such a…
Ziva: PIMP
Tony and McGee *in unison*: Wimp.

Ziva: Once he saw us at Norfolk, he must have taken a KITE.
Tony: Hike. The expression is taking a hike.
McGee: She may have had it confused with go fly a kite.

3.6 Voyeur’s Web:

Ziva: I’ve been meaning to ask you about that, Tony. How does a fifteen year old boy go about meeting a COQUETTE?
McGee in the elevator: She means Rockette, boss.

Tony: Didnt you see the signs? Its yard sale day.
Ziva: I see. And do Marines sell their yards often?

3.7 Honor Code:

Ziva: … The boy has remarkable memory. There’s also someone here from SOCIAL SECURITY to pick him up.
Gibbs: Services, Ziva. Social Security is for older people.

Ziva: “…The man is spic and SPAM”
Tony: “The saying is spic and span. Spam is lunch meat.”
Ziva: “Oh. What exactly is span, then?”
Tony: “Span is I’ll get back to you on that.”

3.8 Under Covers:

Ziva: Look who’s calling the POT black.
Tony: Kettle. The pot is calling the kettle black.

Ziva: It calms my mind. Forces me to stay focused at the JOB IN MY HAND.
Tony: The terms job at hand.

3.9 Frame-Up:

Tony: Where is she?
Ziva: Shes probably PASSED ON BY NOW.
McGee: The term is passed out.

3.10 Probie:

Ziva: Halligan’s on the GOAT. Oh, no! Not goat. SHEEP?
McGee: Lam?
Ziva: That’s it.
Tony: Hes on the lam. There’s no B in that, by the way.

3.12 Boxed In:

Ziva: I think we’ve just been SCREWED IN HERE, Tony.
Tony: The term is bolted.

Tony: I’m not getting any reception. How about you?
Ziva: I’m BRALESS.
Tony: I noticed that earlier. But on your phone they’re ‘bars’.

Ziva: That’s quaint. We’d be like the HOMOS in those old movies.
Tony: Hobos, not homos.

3.13 Deception:

Ziva: Don’t worry, Abby. Some times its hard to see the JUNGLE THROUGH THE FERNS. (Forest for the trees.)

Ziva: Does a bear SIT in the woods?
Ross Logan: Are you the crackerjack team on this job?
Tony: She’s Israeli.
Ziva: Look, I know I got the bear thing right.

3.14 Light Sleeper:

Ziva: I’ve learned from Gibbs that in certain cases you can attract far more BEES with honey
Tony: Flies.
Ziva: What do flies have to do with honey?
Tony: Flies don’t like vinegar.
Ziva: Vinegar?
Tony: It’s complicated.

3.15 Head Case:

Ziva: If the GLUE STICKS?
McGee: Shoe fits.

3.17 Ravenous:

Ziva: Do you mind if I grab a BAT NAP?
Ziva: That is not bad, Tony. Landis asked me out tonight. I said ‘no’. I don’t want him to think I’m SLEAZY.
Tony: That term is easy.

Ziva: Great! Hell be like finding a PIN in a haystack.
Tony: A needle in a haystack.

3.18 Bait:

Ziva: “… cameras through the vents here and here. Both were taped shut. Cody was covering his PLATES.
Tony: Bases.

Ziva: She asked if you had the CALZONES for this, yes?
Tony: Cojones.

3.19 Iced:

Ziva: I think Tony is jerking your BRAIN.
McGee: Chain? Jerking my chain?
Ziva: So now your image is HOMOPUBIC?
Tony: The term is homophobic and no. Prejudice of any kind is an ugly thing.

3.20 Untouchable:

Ziva: This woman is a total TURD! A geek, yes?
Tony: The term is nerd.

3.21 Bloodbath:

Ziva: And your lawyer is going to try and use her bad taste in men to IMPREGNATE her credibility.
Tony: Impugn, Ziva!

3.22 Jeopardy:

Ziva: Well, you’re the one who said ‘no’ to the muzzle, Tony. I wanted to shut his POT hole two hours ago.
Brian Dempsy: It’s pie hole. And by the way, we went through the Arbys drive through. No such thing as a RIDE-through. How long have you lived here anyway?

Ziva: Everyone’s avoiding me! Do they think I’m going to lose control, just enter the building and massacre everyone? I mean, I’m being treated like a LEOPARD.
Ducky: I believe the phrase is ‘like a leper’.

3.23 Hiatus: Part 1:

Ziva: Ducky, DRIP it!
Ducky: Do you mean: Drop it or Zip it
Ziva: Ah, American idioms drive me up the HALL.
Ducky: Well, actually… never mind.

Ziva: I’ve asked Tel Aviv if Captain Mahir is a BLIMP on their radar.
Tony: Blip.

3.24 Hiatus: Part 2:

Ziva: Okay. But you’re TYING MY FEET.
Tony: Hands.
Ziva: Those, too.

Shepard: …when Pinpin handed him Galib’s passport it was good enough…
Ziva: To pass the MUSTARD.
McGee: Muster, not mustard.

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